We are into the Count Down time period now.....

Okay....Zack will tentatively be home around January 18th...should be...right?

So I am now on count down.   How awesome is that? Too damn awesome.  I so want a kid free vay-cay when he gets home and I think I deserve one. 

This deployment has been HELL. 

One crappy thing after another has occurred to disrupt the flow and break down my sanity: Tornado, check; evil destructive children, check; faulty/aging appliances, check; vehicle problems, check; issues with bills, check and check; health problems and scares, check; piss poor local support network, check; and various other things unmentioned.   If it can go wrong, break, be broken, get sick or simply die it has. 

I am beyond liking my kids and need a serious recharge of my maternal mommy gives a fuck battery.

I am not even up to my normal social self, which is saying a HELL OF A LOT, as I am not the most social person to begin with. 

I would prefer a vacation somewhere with mimosas (any kind of booze lubricant really), warm sun, and NO CHILDREN and maybe even with no hubby as well. 

I feel as though I have reached some sort of crisis point in my life and I am just hanging on by a thread for my relief to get here and take over.  I am emotionally tapped out, prone to crying, screaming, and violence at the drop of a hat and knowing that all I really need is some serious R&R for Me, Myself, and I.

The stress has built to the point where my ring felt like it was suffocating me.  So I took it off for several weeks.  Silly really, as the ring obviously wasn't my issue but it was a HUGE issue when I realized what it did mean.  I cried myself dry in the shower one night a week ago after putting the girls to sleep because I was so damn scared.  

I was scared of what my ring removal meant, scared of how I was feeling and pissed.  I was so damn pissed at myself.  I am stronger than a deployment, stronger than the things that occur in my life.  Sure, recently these events have all occurred like a vicious domino chain toppling while Zack is off doing what he does.  Sure it has sucked.  It has sucked big time and none of it has been Zack's fault nor can he from clear across an ocean do any damn thing about it. 

I will get through all of this.  What choice is there really? There is no such thing as failure, although I am not sure what I am supposed to be learning from all of this. 

Am I supposed to be learning how to be a single parent (I am a terrible single parent), a mechanic, a stain removal expert, an advocate for free booze for the spouses of the deployed, a hermit, a self proclaimed crazy person, a saint.  What?

I have reached that precipice of no return.  It is either go forward as planned or make a new plan but either way, I really need that child free vacation first.