The Hunt

Don't feel much like blogging so here you go.  A collage of pictures from the girls egg hunt and finally having Daddy put them back into the carton to put away.  It was a wonderfully fun and busy day.

Sacrament and the Ultimate Sacrifice.

Easter Sunday and Sacrament, sure makes for a really long, drawn out Sacrament.  Poor, poor Remi.  We barely made it through Sacrament today.  The ward is small, homely individuals, with super friendly elderly and a few children around Remi's age and a few more than that around Tate's age. 

I only spoke to a few of the Church officials (ha ha ha! can't even tell you what their positions are, let alone names), and some of the elder women.  Brother whatever his name was David/Davis? was quick to get my information (to pull records?).  I did explain, though he thought I was joking, that this was for Remi if she wanted it and I myself though baptized am not a willing active member and that Zack is in NO WAY interested and doesn't even want them dropping in at the house.  I may have to repeat this to them so they are good and clear on this. 

It was hard, I will not lie, for me to sit through Sacrament.  Religion is just not for me, but who really knows, it may be something Remi understands, relates to and enjoys and I can give her a few hours on Sunday for her to figure this out.  I think it may be a good social opportunity for her and maybe teach her some patience.  I am leaving it entirely up to her though.  If she finds that she doesn't like it or doesn't want to go then we won't. 

She didn't mind today but said it was boring sitting still, being quiet and listening to the boring people up front.  I concur, very boring, uninteresting and difficult to keep still for so long.  I asked after Sacrament if she wanted to go to Primary and meet the other children and she said yes but NOT today, and maybe next Sunday. 

So if we do go next Sunday because Remi wants to, we will definitely NOT be going to Sacrament and I will bring some knitting or crochet to get me through RS if I don't choose to sit it out in the vestibule with my Kindle while the girls try out church.  The things you are willing to do to expand and enrich your kid's horizons, social network, and broaden their scope of what is available and out there for them.  *sigh*

On a positive note, I did get to wear my heels.  I rarely have a chance or a place to do that. 

Church...Wowzah!

Tomorrow Remi and I are going to expand her horizons.  Yep! I am going to take Remi to church.  An LDS church.  There is apparently one here in Crestview, FL and I have decided that it may be a good social and learning experience for Remi. 

Remi is such a social person and super sweet to every one she meets.  We haven't had much luck, not surprisingly, with the play date groups around here since the majority of them are made up of various military spouses and their spawn and it is very apparent that they get together more for the rancid gossip and bitch offs than the children.  Nor have we had much luck at the parks in general. 

Since I am not a social person, generally, and prefer to be myself and not have my kiddos get the fall out due to my obviously not so likable personality (their loss).  I have decided Church may be another, better social alternative for Remi.  My personality is what it is, and isn't going to change drastically anytime soon.

I can't be anyone other than me.  I like to use my brain, learn new things, am not afraid to fail badly, have skills and talents, am not afraid to have or voice my opinion and genuinely enjoy sharing my knowledge, talents and skills.  I am also not afraid to be in the wrong and am fine with people teaching and correcting me as long as you are not a complete ass-head about it.

I am actually a pretty cool and very loyal and reliable person, if you can handle my very defined sense of self.  I am who I am and I am quite proud of what I know, have done and my willingness to keep right on going.  Life is rough, but making friends shouldn't be.

Poor Remi, she tries so hard to make friends with the children she meets but they already seem to be in little social clicks developed by their moms' own social agenda and seem to have no interest in meeting children outside those groups.  The few children she has gotten along with the mothers for whatever reason took an instant dislike to me (and I have been trying so hard to limit what I say and how I say it.  Keeping in mind body language too.) and snubbed both me and the girls. 

Stupid cunty bitches teaching their children to be stupid cunty runts just like them by example.  Ohh! How I would like to kick those parents for leading such poor examples.  I am always being nice, trying always to treat others how I would like me and mine treated, making sure the girls know how they should treat others as well.  The girls, honestly, are much better behaved out in public and are always unfailingly polite and nice.  It just breaks my heart every time we go out to play with others to find this is not reciprocated.  Hence the idea of LDS Church. 

Okay I did consider Pre-K but it would take more time to get Remi ready and drive her there than she would actually be there.  Such a waste of time and gas, I would rather spend that small amount of time playing with her and teaching through play myself. 

I also looked into sports and other activities but for what ever reason there just isn't anything within a reasonable distant from us that she can participate in due to her age.  Tucson, by far, had more extracurricular activities like swimming and sports for young children then we now have here in Crestview.  That is just too bad. 

I can't say why I thought of church but know it may be a good option if Remi does in fact like it.  I am comfortable with what I know she will learn, the behavior expected and what I would have to put into it and thanks to Jess I got the information (Ward, address, time, etc...) that I need to go forward with this plan.  We will see how things go.  It really is up to Remi.  It all depends on whether she enjoys going and wants to go.  Right now of course she has no idea what church is. 

I'll have to get back to you on how this goes.  

Happy Birthday

So Tate's and Zack's birthdays have come and gone.  Tate is now two and Zack is now a whopping twenty-six.  That just makes me feel old. *chuckling to self*  We had a wonderful Saturday playing at the beach for a little while in the morning and then coming home to open presents and eat cake.  Later that same evening we went to an awesome very authentic German restaurant (the owners were German, who were getting ready to close the restaurant for a few weeks to go back home to visit family).  I had spaetzle with onions and sauerkraut, Remi had noodles, Tate had spaetzle and cheese, and Zack had weiner schnitzel.  So darn good.  We went out to eat to celebrate Zack's birthday since he wanted to be lazy Sunday and watch the Nascar race.  It was a wonderful, simple day.  Happy Birthday Tate and Zack.

Painfully Aware

So last weekend we all went to the beach.  It was a wonderful fun family activity that we now do as often as we can and yes I actually own a rather cute bathing suit. 

I am not so vain that I can't and won't strut my fat self on the beach.  I am quite happy beaching myself and spending the day lazily playing with the kiddos and lounging under a beach umbrella with some water and something to crochet. 

Daddy hooking Remi's boogie board to her.

Tate trying to tell Remi what to do.

This beach day was no do different except that this time Zack managed to snap some pics of me.  I do try to limit my camera exposure since I am never happy with how the pics come out and I am not a very photogenic person.  Fat face syndrome...is how I think of it...or more appropriately round face syndrome, since I have a round face with a rather flat profile and unless pictured right just looks sooo wrong.

Remi moving off into deeper water.

Me trying to get Tate back into the water after getting it in her eyes.

Okay, admittedly, this first pic where you can only see my fat backside isn't so bad, but Lord!, the others only made me painfully aware of how much weight I am STILL struggling to lose.  Thank you children.  Thank you crappy genetics, age, and my STUPID screwed up right knee that make it hard to do.  I can't believe that after more than six months of sweating buckets, painfully aware of how much and everything I ate, and making myself a bitch to P90X and my treadmill that I managed to lose only three pounds and screw up my knee.  BOOO! So irritated about this since I know that had this been before thirty, kids and my knee I would be rocking the beach right now.  Exercise and getting back into shape was so much easier in my early twenties.  Damn!, what happened.

So my poor P90X and treadmill have sat unused for the last month and a half now due to my crunchy, painful, popping, no squatting right knee.  I have started taking OLD LADY pills, as Zack likes to say.  Joint supplements which seem to be helping quite a bit.  So now my only problem is convincing Tate to give me the time to work out and get my motivation and willpower back on track and give it another go. 

Oh! Boy do these pics put a fire under my horrifically flabby belly, ass, thighs, arms (eeew, gross.  Fat arms and bulgy bellies really gross me out, especially being that they are mine.), and face.

*Thinking positive thoughts* What the crap, that so doesn't help.

AHHHHH! This pic is just so painful...LOL!

That's better, put some distance between me and the camera.

Ugh! Where is my treadmill.

Well, on a happy note.  It was a great day even if my swimsuit was being mauled by a fat chick.

Thanks Zack for unintentionally making me PAINFULLY AWARE of how my poor, cute swimsuit is suffering being displayed on my wretched out of shape self and reminding me to just keep at it.  Oh, and you, my bum knee.  SUCK IT UP! We got work to do.

This of course won't stop me from strutting my stuff all over Florida beaches....watch out whales, I claim this space.  I just hope that next summer I won't be competing with Shamu.

Being Yourself Unapologetically

Is is okay to be yourself without regards to others?

I am on the forums today when someone posts a thread about fake people, how they feel they shouldn't have to fit some special mold, and should be able unapologetically say what they want to, when they want to, how they want to, when ever they want to, and feel that this should not reflect on the work they do and the items they sell.   

I think, very sadly, that this person is delusional.  The whole thread came off to me as a rant and their way of trying to garner permission to be an outright asshole to people. 

I do believe it is important to be ourselves but not at the expense of others, meaning if you don't absolutely have to be rude or condescending or any other attitude that screams I FEEL SUPERIOR TO YOU then don't.  It reflects very badly upon you and anything you do. 

 I think we are given a chance to leave a positive impact through written words, verbal conversations and our actions.  I for one do try to be a better person every day and do feel bad if I know I have failed at this.  I am not the best at tempering what I say nor am I known as a friendly person but I am trying and feel it is something everyone can benefit from, by trying to be a better, more aware individual everyday. 

Time

I never feel like I have enough time to do all of the things that I need or want to do in any given day.  It seems that so much of my day is spent cleaning, cooking, taking care of the kids and Zack that there really isn't much left to do my need to/want to things.  Some days I don't get to even just sit down until after dinner.  With Zack being broken or gone more often than not I am twice as busy.  I do feel like I have three children and their needs and wants seem to always come before mine.  I have been trying to carve out my own me time.  I need and deserve it but often feel like a bad guy when I take it.